Monday, February 02, 2009

Dolphin

Hi guys thanks for looking, I know the ending may read a little disjointed, having trouble with it and I have been editing it now for over a month so I probably got rid of the good stuff :p Anyways, enough of that, hope you find something good in it. Cheers


Dolphin

Dawn. A black saloon car drives down a long stretch of road pulling into the driveway of a three-storey house. A skinny, tanned girl, with a head of curly blonde hair, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt gets out of the car, walks slowly up the steps and enters the large framed doors. She clip-clops down a long marble entrance up a staircase and takes a turn, at the top of the stairs, down a corridor. She enters a large room with a four-poster bed and walks out on to the balcony. From her high vantage she surveys the landscape, watching gardeners thicken the lawn below, scurrying under verandas and archways, flecking the bridges, and mobbing the terracotta gardens. Far out beyond the trimmed lawns and manicured gardens a mist covers a lake.

She makes her way over a stone bridge, with a fishing rod, passing the gardens and tall trees, arriving at a rickety old pier. In front of her is a wide muddy lake. The rod is cast way out into the water and then she sits with her legs dangling over the pier holding the fishing rod and watching the red and white float bobbing along in the distance.

Suddenly a grey thing appears in the water, though only for a moment. The line is quickly reeled in. It’s a mad dash along the shoreline and through a thicket of trees. She arrives at the location, an old boathouse. It is a struggle opening the large peeling doors but finally she gets in. It is dark. With the help of little rays of light coming through the rafters, she discovers a boat hidden in cobwebs.

In the distance a voice calls: “Piano lessons!”

The piano instructor arrives all buttoned up and with her hair in a bun. She resembles a bluebell in spring. Ironing out the ruffles in her dress, with her hands, she sits stiff-like on a stool. The girl tightens herself, imitates the teacher and begins to lightly dance her fingers over the piano. The girl steals glances at her fingers.

The instructor scowls and jerks her head towards the score sheet. “Now, try again, from the beginning.”

She starts again. Her fingers touch the keys, picking up speed, cantering and then galloping. The page is turned; another piece plays, a little harder this one. Her fingers trip at times. The instructor does not wait for the finale. She grabs the girl’s hands, hums the tune, and hammers the tips of her fingers on the keys.

When practice is over, she is left with a pile of homework, and progress expected.

The sky above turns grey as a light drizzle creates ripples across the lake. On the water a boat bobs inside the girl sits still and scans the lake.

A shape of a fin is seen then a long nose and a flipper. She rows out towards in the direction of the sighting, she stops, looks around and then down into the murky water. Then she hears a loud chatter followed by a large splash. A dolphin!

Sunlight streams through the dining room window, travels down the long table and casts light over a man in a polo shirt. A woman, wearing a black strapless dress and a pearl necklace sits next to him. The girl sits at the far end of the table.

The woman sips her wine. “As if our marriage wasn’t shaky enough you decide to go and get yourself a whore. I mean what were you thinking, maybe if I went and got myself a …”

He cuts into his meat. “I wouldn’t put it past you from what I’ve heard...”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

The woman turns her nose up at the food, waves the dish away and downs her glass of wine.

The girl piles peas and carrots on to her plate and spoons a generous portion of gravy into a mountain of mash. She forks a pea and throws it into the gravy. “Help I’m sinking!” A carrot is roughly tossed into the inferno. She deepens her voice. “It burns! It burns! I promise I’ll be good!”

The word divorce stops her play. The man glares. “Eat your dinner!”

When the adults leave the light starts to fade. Dusk is approaching.

She takes off her shoes and socks and wades into the water. She shivers then dips under the water continually moving her arms and legs about. The dolphin arrives, all chat, and draws ringlets around her.

A voice calls: “Time to come in!”

She draws near to the dolphin it chatters and splashes all at once when the contact is made. She strokes the dolphin, cautiously, running her hand across the smooth grey arch of its back.

Voices call: “Time to come in!” “Where are you?”

She looks back at the house then swims after the dolphin. In the night sky the silver moon shines down on the lake and the girl swims down into the darkness.

3 comments:

Taidgh Lynch said...

Had a problem with the format, hopefully it reads a bit better now.

P.B. said...

I'm certain one of the problems with this is the language barrier. :D For example, I haven't a clue what a "saloon car" might be... So naturally there's a bit of confusion for me here and there.

I like that you've gone with shorter sentences in this. I think that was a good instinct. I find it works for me as well and tends to prevent my long rambling description habit from ruining stories. LOL

Mostly what I see as a problem in this is what would be a virtue in your poetry. Leaving blanks for readers to fill in with poems is a good thing in my book but not such a good thing in a narrative. Have you tried outlining a plot of some sort? Just to make sure you've put in enough of the narrative for example?

Then there are wee oversights here and there like: "Far out beyond the trimmed lawns and manicured gardens a mist covers a lake." I think you may have wanted a comma after "gardens".

All in all, I think it's shaping up, man. Just give me a bit more of the story. :D

Taidgh Lynch said...

thanks pb for the helpful comment at the moment I'm finding it difficult to write poetry so I've been tackling the prose a bit more. But it seems like there is still a long way to go. For now I will keep on plugging away and learn as I go. Cheers for the read ;)